Willpower
by Lowlands Girl
Summary: Harry comes across Susan after her Splinching in the Great Hall. For csitokyo3 on LJ.


**Willpower**

Harry heard her before he saw her. The crying would have given it away anyway, but the continual sound of swishing fabric and then a series of ungainly thumps was audible from several meters. Someone was clearly trying to Apparate, and was clearly finding it impossible.

He wondered who it was, and found out when he turned the corner:

Susan Bones.

Feeling a smile lift his lips, Harry watched Susan, with eyes shut tight, mouth, "Destination, determination, deliberation," and then spin around and fall over. Her face was tear-streaked as she lifted herself to her feet, and when she saw Harry her mouth made an O of surprise.

"Hi," said Harry, before she could feel awkward. "You can't Apparate anywhere in the castle, you know."

Susan's shoulders slumped. "I know," she muttered. "It's just -- I can't believe I splinched myself! I splinched myself, in front of everyone!"

Harry couldn't understand why she was so upset. "Did it hurt?"

"Well, a little, yeah, but that's not it!" Susan said, and then began to cry.

Harry, who had had more than enough of girls crying back with Cho, patted her on the back awkwardly and tried to say reassuring things.

Evidently they worked well enough, because after a minute or so Susan gulped, took a deep breath, and said, "See, Mum's been talking all summer about how wonderful it will be to have me Apparating, and how great she was at Apparation. She got a medal, did you know? Best Apparation test in a hundred years, they said. And so everyone in the family is expecting me to get at least some sort of recognition when I take my test--"

"But you were the first to do anything today, shouldn't they be at least proud of that?" Harry asked, stunned. He hadn't known you could get medals for Apparation.

"Splinching is nothing to be proud of!" Susan replied, so indignant that she stopped crying and glared at Harry.

"Sorry, I didn't know!" he said hastily. "Really, I thought it was great that you at least managed something! And it was most of you after all -- just your leg got left behind."

"You grew up with Muggles, right?" Susan asked.

Harry nodded, curious.

"Then you really can't understand how awful it is to splinch. Not just the pain -- that goes away pretty quickly. It's a mark of no willpower, you see. Being unable to Apparate completely is no big deal, it just means you haven't got it under control yet. But leaving part of yourself behind means you haven't got enough determination, that you're weak."

She began to cry again.

This time Harry put his arms around her. He thought he could see, dimly, why it was so horrible.

"Shh," he said into her hair. "Shh, it's all right. You're not weak, you're not."

"Yes I am!" she wailed into his chest.

"No you're not," Harry said firmly. "I've seen you in the D.A., Susan. You've got more power in your little finger than -- than Pansy Parkinson has in her whole body."

Susan smiled up at him. "That's sweet of you, Harry. But it's not about power, it's about --"

"Willpower, yes, you said. I know I can't change longstanding traditions and all that, but really, it's silly to think splinching yourself on your first Apparation try is a mark of weak will." He tried to come up with a better argument, and knew that Hermione would be great at this, but there was no Hermione around, just him and Susan and some blank stretches of castle wall.

He had a crazy thought.

"What do you think is a mark of strong willpower?" he asked Susan suddenly.

She pulled away from him and blinked. "What do you mean?"

"Exactly what I said. Tell me something that you think shows strong willpower."

"Well, um..." she said. There was a pause while she thought. "Apart from successful Apparation, I assume?"

"Yes, of course."

"Um..."

"What about casting a Patronus?"

"Well, yes, I suppose," Susan said, cocking her head to one side and frowning. "I've never done it against a dementor, though..."

"I think you could," Harry said staunchly and truthfully.

She smiled weakly. "You're very sweet, Harry. All right, you want something that takes willpower? Telling someone you fancy them. That takes willpower, and I've never done it."

"Neither have I," Harry confessed to her.

She looked up, startled. "Really? Not even Cho?"

Harry laughed hollowly. "Cho was a disaster from start to finish. No, I never told her I fancied her."

Susan looked fully flummoxed now. "But... You're _Harry Potter_, you've faced dragons and everything. I'd think it would be easy for you to tell someone how you feel."

Harry shook his head. "No, it's really hard."

Susan shook her head, amazed. "I really can't believe that. For the past five minutes you've been telling me how great you think I am"--she blushed at this--"and you haven't seemed awkward."

"Well, that's different, you know."

"But they're still your feelings."

"True," Harry conceded. "And I do think you're great. You're nice, you're friendly, you're a good witch."

Susan's blush deepened.

"But I can say the same to you," Harry went on. "You've been telling me for the past five minutes how awful you think you are. And those are still your feelings. You had no trouble telling me that. Wouldn't you say that took willpower?"

She shrugged. "Not really. It's just complaining, honestly. Look, Harry, you've been sweet and all, but I should really go." She wiped some of the tears from her face.

Harry caught hold of her wrist as she turned. "No, not yet," he said. "Really, I don't want you to go until you can convince me that you don't think the worse of yourself for splinching."

"That's not going to happen," Susan said flatly. "The only thing I can do is practice--"

"But you can't practice in the castle!"

"--because even though you can't Apparate in the castle," Susan went on patiently, "you'll at least feel that it's stopping you. So you _can_ practice, you just won't get anywhere. You'll feel the constriction but you'll find yourself right where you started."

"Oh." Harry couldn't think of anything to say. "Well, can I at least do something to cheer you up?" he finally asked.

Susan smiled. "You have," she said.

Then she stood on tiptoe and kissed him on the cheek.

"Thanks, Harry," she said. "If you were a girl, I'd really fancy you."

Harry stared at her retreating back as she walked down the corridor and vanished out of sight. Then he shook his head, muttered, "No willpower my arse," and walked on.


End file.
